Cara Delevigne Discusses Suicidal Thoughts and Self Harm.
In a new interview, model and actor Cara Delevingne has opened up about suicidal thoughts and self-harm. Speaking to Esquire UK, she recalls her experience of depression and how she would smoke a pack of cigarettes and smash her head into trees to try and knock herself out.
“I think I properly started dealing with depression when I was about 16,” she says, “when all the stuff with my family started to make sense and came to the surface. I’m very good at repressing emotion and seeming fine. As a kid, I felt like I had to be good and I had to be strong because my mum wasn’t. So, when it got to be a teenager and all the hormones and the pressure and wanting to do well at school – for my parents, not for me – I had a mental breakdown.”
“I was suicidal,” she continues. “I couldn’t deal with it any more. I realised how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die. I felt so guilty because of that and hated myself because of that, and then it’s a cycle. I didn’t want to exist anymore. I wanted for each molecule of my body to disintegrate. I wanted to die.”
“I would run off to the woods and smoke a pack of cigarettes and then I would smash my head so hard into a tree because I just wanted to knock myself out.”
This isn’t the first time Delevingne has opened up about mental health – earlier this year, she spoke about her experience of depression and self-harm, and how her modelling career took off during a “particularly rough patch of self-hatred.”
While mental illness continues to be a struggle for many (1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year, according to UK charity Mind), more and more people in the public eye are being honest about their struggles.
Words by Ted Stansfield